“For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.”

How true... How ridiculously true.

There are things in life that one will never forget. Things that no matter the wonders that currently fill your life you will ever be able to replace.

People who you will never be able to reconnect with but never be able to let go.

Memories that will always make you smile and ones that will make you cry.
-The ones that make you cry are the ones that we try to forget. Even though they have also made us who we are.-

Scents that every time you smell them your heart skips a beat.

Songs that make you smile for reason unknown to everyone else around you.

I have lost, but I have also gained. Things have gone terribly wrong while other things begin to take form.
I am who I am for many reasons.
-And these reasons are still confusing me.-

"But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your soul."

I've experienced a lot of change recently.

Life never seems to remain the same.

Sometimes it's okay.

Either way it is inevitable.

Some days I sit around and remember what things used to be like.

I remember the happiness, the silly arguments, the smell.

The smell is what really gets me.

Just one little whiff of a clean t-shirt can bring everything back--plain as day.

We talk sometimes.

I feel a little guilty but mostly at peace.

The guilt can be attributed to other things, I'm sure.

I miss my friends. I miss them but not in a needy way. It's more of a longing to experience the good ole days.

My past and I are finally good friends :)

It's funny how that works.

Tonight's topic was humility.

Do I live my life for me or for God? Do my concerns circle around me or Him?
Do I do things for God or do I allow him to do things through me?

I'm not a humble person. I compare myself to other people all the time. I use other people to make myself feel better. I think to myself "Wow, I'm glad I'm not as judgmental as him." As terrible as that sounds... I do it. I try not to but it happens.

I was driving around last night thinking (I tend to do my best thinking while driving around aimlessly) and came to a realization. I have always wanted to go skydiving but I'm not sure if I will be able to actually do it. I mean to actually take that step out of the airplane into nothing and fall. Just fall. I know once I start falling it will be the best feeling in the world and the greatest adrenaline rush ever, but the initial step is going to be the hardest. Then, tonight while listening to the lesson on humility I thought about my skydiving fears. I'm afraid to take that step. I'm afraid to let go of everything and allow God to have complete control. I think this is why I compare myself to other people because it allows me to retain some sort of control. The first step is going to be the hardest but I know that everything after that will be the best thing that could ever happen to me.

It's funny how things in life happen.

Anyways... I just wanted to share my thoughts.

Tonight's the night when the sinners and the saints,
Two worlds collide,
In a glorious display.